darn! it's so good to be back... term 1 of uni life is finally over and now i can get back the 18hrs / day free time stolen by mah studies during those term... and whola! the first thing i did is to revisit all mah fave blogs and be updated with them once again...
then after reading blogs over blogs over blogs, i run through yoshke's blog (which i would say mah fave blogger) where he wrote an artistic literary about mah personal enemy... the ipis... yes oh yes!!! ipis aka cockroach... i so hate them that no matter how well i compose mahself, a mere sight of them would definitely make me scream to the top of mah lungs... so embarrassing definitely!...
and yoshke's blog dealt with the ipis in a funny way... it indeed gave me a a good laugh in the early hours of the morning...
and yes, after several months in deep slumber, i chose to come back with this article because i believe that sharing a hearty laughter with everyone is a good thing to tell that indeed i am finally back...
so happy reading everyone....
-------
One of my college friends called my attention to a certain blog post we posted back in the day. I’d actually forgotten about it already. But now that I’m reading it again, I just can’t help laughing. And I’m sharing it with you. However, I apologize to all my Pinoy readers as some parts are in Tagalog and I kept it that way. Translating it would just ruin it.
HOW TO TORTURE AN IPIS
by Pam Condeno
1. Pour Green Cross alcohol.
2. Get encyclopedia and drop it right on the target. Make sure it finds itself in a very AWKWARD situation where it will render itself confused, disturbed, and a bit in a vertigo state.
3. Make sure when it flies, you have an alcohol with you and swish it to make it pilay.
HOW TO KILL IPIS (especially with wings)
by KZ Ottara
1. Camouflage with the wall
2. Grab a slipper
3. ATTACK!!!
4. Step on the slipper to make piga
5. LEAVE OVERNIGHT FOR MORE FLAVOR!
HOW TO KILL COCKROACHES IN DIFFERENT PARTS OF THE HOUSE
by Reen Ladignon
1. Slam foot on ipis. (Said foot should be wearing a shoe or slipper.)
2. If ipis is on wall, take off shoe or slipper and make sapak the ipis.
3. If ipis is on kisame, get walis and swish at the ipis to make it fall down. Then proceed to number 1 or 2.
4. If Reen sees ipis while she is washing dishes outside their house, then she makes squirt-squirt it with dishwashing liquid and pours the dirty water on it. See them scatter. If ipis crawls near the hand, grab the nearest kawali and slap it on the ipis. Do nothing if it crawls down the drain.
5. If ipis is flying, grab a Baygon can and spray mercilessly towards the ipis. You will be momentarily disgusted at seeing the legs of the ipis in all their glory nearing toward you—but then you will soon have the satisfaction seeing the ipis make gewang-gewang as it falls to the ground.
All done while screaming like a headless chicken.
HOW TO MASSACRE A COCKROACH
(with illustrations which unfortunately cannot be replicated here)
by Glenn Ituriaga
1) Grab the ipis by the feelers.
2) Make hulog the ipis in a bottle of muriatic acid. Plug the bottle.
3) Turn the bottle upside-down and watch the ipis slowly melt away…
YOU’RE SO KADIRS (An Open Letter to an Ipis)
by Ace Mella
Bago mag-alas nueve ng gabi…
Oh ipis. You’re so kadirs. That’s why I can’t touch you. That’s why I can’t get near you. That’s why I can’t make buhos the Green Cross, make tapak the you, make hampas, make sabon, make tunaw, not even make hawak.
All I can do is stare while you crawl oh so near, wishing so hard that thou shall not go super near as in almost touching the skin of mine. ‘Coz you’re so kadirs.
But despite this what I said when thou tries to invade the privacy of mine, for example, making paramdam whilst I speaking on the phone, especially during the wee hours of the night, I shall summon all courageousness of mine, grab a shoe, a slipper, or a frying pan, and smash thee and all thy kadiriness.
Only wish the I that thy green juiciness shall not dikit on the murder weapon of mine.
‘Coz you’re so kadirs.
Always,
Ace
HOW I KILLED 3 COCKROACHES, A Poem
by Pam Condeno, the Ipis Queen
Heavy rain made the ipises come out
13 arrived at my house
Big, fat, flying ipises bombarded it
So I got 3 encyclopedias
But first I wore my Jazz Pants
Then my jacket with the hood and then I cried
Got the Green Cross alcohol and
Dropped it onto the ipises
So they were all SMASHED.
------
so how will you kill your ipis??? :-)
No comments:
Post a Comment